Jerodmac's Thoughts on Stuff

A Lament
Bess Powell

There are many forms of loss: divorce, illness, sudden change. 33 years ago, a few days before Christmas, I lost my youngest son, age 6, in a shotgun accident at our home. I loved this little boy more than life itself. I was more than devastated and in my grief I pushed everyone away and stuffed my feelings for years.

In a discipleship class I am currently involved in at a local church, our instructor asked each of us to write a lament and this is what I wrote.

Oh Lord, my soul called out for you,
My heart hurts with no relief.
My anger was hidden deep within me,
Blame was alive.

Death would have been welcomed.
I was at a place with no answers, no solutions.
Then one day you took me to a place of relief,
In the mire of alcoholism and codependency.

Codependency, what in the world is that?
You showed me myself through the gentle hands of Al-Anon.

Where you gave me hope with the hopeless,
You gave me peace
--for the moment
--then the minute
--then the hour
--then the day.

You gave me a place of refuge from a life of struggle and heartache.
I found my place, maybe at the manger in Bethlehem or at the Cross of Calvary,
When I became willing to turn my will and my life over to the God of my understanding,
Jesus Christ, who lives and reigns within me, as I choose each day to let Him.

He chose me. He knew me before I was ever conceived. He knew the place He had for me. And He made a way for me in the desert.

~Bess and her husband Harlan, are amazing loving servants of the Kingdom of God and part of our new CMA family. Bess shared this at a Christmas event and I was very moved. I asked her to send me a copy and she kindly obliged.